I have literally started 10 draft posts that I haven’t been able to finish… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I enjoy writing but is it the fear of being alone which is blocking me? A gigantic leap, I know but I feel like that’s the reason. Indeed I do.
In a week I’m leaving home for university/college. Over 1500kms (about 930something miles) from home. From these people I see everyday. It’s a scary thought. Kind of made me exceptionally imbalanced, emotionally I mean. Not cause I’m leaving but because its possibly a year and a bit if I don’t come for holiday’s. I’m scared that I’ll lose them. Because of this I’ve been having irregular sleeping patterns. Panic attacks. Insane needs to be with people who I care about and worst of all… the crying. It’s weird cause anything sets me off lately. A weird looking flower with a broken stem, a struggling butterfly in gail force winds, even an old person struggling to get up. It hurts me to the pit of my soul, the sadness, it burns my heart and I don’t know why.
Think I’m going to write more poetry. I suppose these emotions shall be my muse for a bit. Just until this gosh awful rut disappears. Hopefully it does
P.s. I’m currently listening to Lorde’s Pure heroine album. Maybe it’s fueling the fire but I don’t care. It’s good.
With humanitarian love