To be honest yesterday wasn’t really a particularly amazing day but something happened to me. Emotionally, I had an epiphany…

It was about love, how I don’t believe that I’ve really ever been in it. At one point in my life I use to think that I was, in the whole know-it-all teenager way. He and I had been together for well over 2years on and off… but honestly when I think about him nothing happens to me. My heart doesn’t do that whole fluttering, can’t take a breath thing. None of it.

I realised that maybe, just maybe, I might have been affected by my parents divorce.  How I fear strong emotional partnership attachments and make strong emotional friendships with guys.

Recently something has happened to me. I met this man (young man), over a year ago actually, who seems to be in tune with my emotional partnerships more so than the friendship side. I don’t know how to deal with him. I don’t want to be just a friend nor do I want to just be a number. My epiphany came about when, after I had left him, my heart fluttered a bit I couldn’t stop smiling and I felt genuinely happy. A guy hasn’t made me feel like that in a while. I don’t know if I want to be his friend or be more. I’m confused. I hate being confused. I’m the type of person who’s known what they want every single waking moment of their short life

Anyway back to the topic, my epiphany. Based on what I feel for him, which I honestly don’t think is love,, I’ve concluded that I don’t know what love is. It suffocates me a bit when I think about it, him and this situation. Cause in the end I’m going to end up getting hurt.

Just a out loud thought though…

With (dot dot dot) love
Retro

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